Chef and cooking jokes

Sad to say, I had a hard time finding any good ones. Here's one.

The blonde man was crying at the bar, and the bartender gave him a free drink. "What's the trouble?" asked the friendly bartender.

"I got kicked out of chef school," replied the blonde. "They said I gave them the oldest excuse in the book, and all I did was tell the truth."

"What did you say?" asked the bartender.

To which the chef student answered, "I told them my dog ate my homework."

Check out this website for more jokes on cooking or chefs. I think that we chefs, and foodies, have to do better with respect to chef jokes and food service jokes. We surely can't let the philosophers beat us. And besides, I'm tired of the "fly in my soup" varieties.

Know any good jokes? I'm all ears and just in case you don't here's your challenge. Complete the following jokes:

Q: How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
A:

Q: How many chefs does it take to change a light bulb?
A:

Q: How many restaurant owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A:

Q: How many celebrity chefs who never cook does it take to change a light bulb?
A:

Get back to me with the answers and you might win accolades and prizes. Or not. Hey, at least it's not a fly in my soup joke.

Therefore p!

While I was skimming around the web reading some stuff on cognition, consciousness and the brain as well as psycholinguistics, I came across something much better, Philosopher Jokes. :-) Yippee.

There were a bunch of good ones but here is the best and it has a food component!

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

Note: When I read this, I thought the punch line was "If you had a brother, would you like potato pancakes?" which, I feel, is even funnier.

And the second best:

An engineer, an experimental physicist, a theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking through the hills of Scotland. Cresting the top of one hill, they see, on top of the next, a black sheep.

The engineer says: "What do you know, the sheep in Scotland are black."

"Well, *some* of the sheep in Scotland are black," replies the experimental physicist.

The theoretical physicist considers this for a moment and says "Well, at least one of the sheep in Scotland is black."

"Well," the philosopher responds, "on one side, anyway."

This last one reminds me of my favorite joke:

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician (or linguist) are staying in a hotel for a convention. The hotel catches on fire. The engineer wakes up, calculates the time it would take for the building's structure to fail, sets his alarm, goes back to sleep and wakes up in time to get out of the building. The physicist wakes up, calculates the time it will take for the smoke to fill up the room and choke him to death, sets his alarm and goes back to sleep. He wakes up in time to flee the building. The mathematician wakes up, sees that there is a solution and goes back to sleep.

Another one of my favorites. The can opener joke. Suitable for mathematician, philosophers and theoretical linguists: ;-)

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are stranded on a deserted island without food except a create of baked beans. The engineer grabs a can and says, "I'll save us!" He rigs a lever to lift a heavy rock and drops it on the can of beans. The can bursts open spilling most of the beans on the sand, getting metal shards in the rest of the beans.

The physicist scornfully laughs and says, "I'll save us." He builds a big fire and roasts the can over the fire causing the contents to expand blowing the top off the can, spilling some on the ground and charring the rest.

The mathematician calmly takes a can of beans, walks into the forest and a half hour later returns with it open.

The other two are amazed. "How did you do that?," they ask.

"First of all," says the mathematician, "assume a can opener."